More Funny, Clean Jokes from Spiritual Health Source
Have some more clean jokes! Hopefully you are under 65 and not
too religious or you may not find these amusing!! Oh, and if
you're a blonde, so am I (well, kind of) so don't take things too
seriously here! At least they are clean jokes and everybody needs
a good laugh these days!
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that
her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains
her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she
cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the
way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard."
He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One
night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out
of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll
come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I
going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the
kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes
her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful,
knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
you as soon as I see who's at the door."
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man
chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." |
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week
to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends
for a long time ...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her
friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just
one car. It's hundreds of them!"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat
was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ? I thought you
were !"
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
We need your clean jokes too!
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
Subject: Three doctors
Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly
gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have
you done to enter Heaven?" "I am a pediatrician and have brought
thousands of the Lord's babies into the world." "Good enough to
enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same
question is asked of the second doctor. "I am a general
practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to
cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through
the gates. The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the
question, blurts out, "I am a director of a HMO."
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine,
you can enter Heaven...but only for 2 days."
Got any clean jokes? Share!
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